Etched…

Five years ago today, was one of those days that will always be etched in the mind of those who were alive and old enough to remember for the rest of their lives. Though I'm not trying to forget what happened, I try not to really talk about it (especially in public spaces such as this), but my day has left me with plenty of time to relive and reflect on the day. I still don't feel completely right in sharing about it, for I was a complete bystander. I had no personal connection to anyone, anywhere near what happened. Ok, lie. I have a cousin who lives in NY, and had recently moved there before 9/11, but that never seemed like enough. Yes he walked home over a bridge with thousands of others, but still… Maybe it's because I've never been to NY, but I just don't feel like I have the right.

But today, I listened to the whole thing unfold. My coworkers are Howard Stern fans, so I am subjected to listening to the crudeness of Howard every workday (I would much rather be listening to Martha Stewart). And today on the fifth anniversary, Howard replayed in its entirety, his 9/11 show by request from his audience. Now on that day, I actually caught a majority of the coverage as it was happening by fluke. I was up early to listen to Mike on the campus radio at 7am, but ran across what was unfolding on national television while looking for the weather. I watched the 2nd plane hit, and both towers fall. All I could think was, this is a movie, but fully well knew it was not a movie…action movies of that sort don't play so early in the morning on network tv on a Tuesday. I informed girls on my floor of what had happened as they sleepily stumbled into the bathrooms having just woken up.

We came in on the real time broadcast, about the time that I had tuned in to the tv on that day. My morning was spent living in real time and real emotion of what had transpired. I found myself very anxious all day. Fear being reinstilled. Thinking back to the question I asked Mike days after it happened, as the country was stunned and still…"Will things ever be the same?"

Things are different, but then again, they don't really seem to have changed so much. Is this because we're just used to it? Or have we not learned from what happened? Or am I just too displaced from the center of what occurred? Every so often I find myself dwelling on that, and today even more so. I can't figure it out. I was so scared at the time, and it scares me now that I can't tell.